"Super Dad" has become a hot topic among parents recently. Program Host & instructor Kay Ho, as a parenting course instructor, used the positive method of "no fighting and no quarrelling" in the reality show "Super Dad" to help parents correct their children's inappropriate behaviour.

However, as the saying goes, "A doctor cannot heal himself", while teaching others, can Kay be ruthless and discipline his 2 and a half year old son with both kindness and severity?

 

Don’t be soft-hearted. Discipline should be firm.

"I'm a very strict dad." Kay's words are true. Even when facing the cute "清義哥", he will never be "lenient". "If you don't eat at a designated time, or if you don't eat after being given multiple chances, I will get angry", "I tell him to sit still for afternoon tea and when he walks away, I get angry", " "He played with his new toy for less than eight hours, it ended up in the rubbish bin, then I will take the rubbish bin and throw it out onto the streets"

 

Kay believes that being tough can help children develop self-discipline and positive behavior, and let them know what the appropriate consequences are. "If a child is 'stubborn' and doesn't eat his meal and sits for an hour or two, and you 'nag' him, that will not work...What is the problem with confiscating the child's meals? Will he die if he doesn't eat this meal!"

He is sure that if the child feels hungry, they will eat obediently at the next meal. Even if the child cries bitterly, as long as the parents are firm enough and do not succumb to the child's crying, disciplining the child will naturally be more effective.




If you can do it, you must do it well

Kay recalled that he had encountered a very difficult case. The 2-year-old child had been playing with mobile phones since they were 10 months old. They had to use an "electronic pacifier" to eat and had never been able to eat normally. Kay decided to use the "don't eat then throw it away" trick, coupled with the parents' firm execution, which ushered the 2-year-old child into a 180-degree change. "He went from needing to be fed, eating almost liquid food, and looking at his phone, to being able to sit down and eat the whole meal by himself. It's so exciting!"

Kay emphasizes that the trick is to "to trust that he is his own person, he has his own needs, he has his own ways to meet them, if one way doesn't work, he has no choice but to use another way."

He admitted that this "no fighting, no quarreling" parenting method is both positive and effective. The children in the program were able to "turn over a new leaf" and there have been no cases of failure so far. However, he believes that there are many types of success. "It takes a long time for a child to go from being 'able to do it' to being 'able to do it well'. Most of the time, I am already very satisfied when a child is 'able to do it', but I always want them to be able to 'do it well'."



Having a choice is freedom

However, disciplinary methods that are full of rules and restrictions can often make people feel that their children’s freedom is being exploited, making them feel suffocated. Kay disagreed, emphasizing that there is freedom only when there are rules, and that children "have the freedom to choose". "You have 30 minutes to eat, and if you don't finish it all then you pack it away. We let him choose, and if he chooses not to eat, it doesn't matter. Afterwards he will be hungry and feel foolish at first, but he will be more alert the next day. This is the most free way."

"For example, we tell them to be courteous and gentle when playing, and not to hit others. It is not a rule that you cannot hit others, but we let them choose and let them hit others. However, there will be consequences for hitting others, which is that they cannot play or even have to leave." If nagging and urging are in vain, you can give your children the freedom to choose, but they will bear all the consequences themselves.

However, Kay mentioned that some parents are often impatient in educating their children, hoping to deal with their inappropriate behavior in a short period of time. "The child ate for half an hour and wanted to be fed. He also refused to try other new foods. In fact, there are three things and three problems here. Which one do you want to deal with first?" He suggested that parents should make choices and deal with the aspect that they most want their children to improve on, starting from the simplest to the most difficult, giving simple and clear instructions to their children.



Fighting and quarreling destroy intimacy

"spare the rod and spoil the child" and "No beating, no success" are traditional Chinese educational concepts. However, Kay admits that corporal punishment only brings short-term effects and does not encourage parents to use it. "Spanking is always one-way. Whoever hits harder and louder has the final say. It is dominated by the parents, and the children basically have no say. Children will think that you spank them not because they did something wrong, but because you are angry."

Once a child hits his parents, he will always leave a grudge, because after beating and scolding, the children will lose all trust in their parents. "Intimacy takes a long time to build, but can be destroyed very quickly."



Busy to death, always with my kids

 

Kay is a host, MC, singer and actor, but he makes good use of every parent-child time. "95% of the time I take him to school and pick him up after school. It's very important, especially after school. You can know what happened first-hand to him that day, whether he is happy or not, whether there are any memorable things, and see his reaction. The children will be very happy and satisfied having their parents pick them up from school."

Kay, who works irregular hours, spends breakfast with 清義 every morning, reads 3 to 4 books and plays. He understands that parents nowadays are busy and work long hours, "but I encourage them to take a little time out after work to read a book, tell a story before going to bed, or play for 15 minutes." Because reading together and parent-child activities can effectively promote good relationtions between each other.

Kay specifically mentioned the benefits of "reading picture books", the characteristics of picture books are that they have more pictures and fewer words. The stories are simple but they tell complex truths. Try to read 3 or 4 books every day. It can build intimacy, help children recognize words, or improve their self-care ability."

 
Discipline together, no distinction between soft and hard

Many parents like to play the roles of an angel and a devil, both soft and hard, but Kay believes that this method is not desirable. The 'hard' one will be unpopular and find it difficult to establish a parent-child relationship with the child; the 'soft' one will also have the chance to be bullied forever." He believes that parents must always maintain a consistent stance in order to prevent their children from playing tricks, "not thinking that one thing is wrong but the other is right".

"My wife is good, she goes to class with me and she knows the concept of discipline. If there is any dispute, I will have the final say." But his wife Charis also has moments of soft-heartedness. "She sees that I am very strict, so she will be a little soft-hearted, but what I said is what it is. I am very strict when it comes to disciplining children."

 

Many parents agree to hand over the responsibility of discipline to the ones with more time, or even to the caretaker or the grandparents". However, Kay believes that discipline requires both parents to carry it out together. Otherwise, the pace of discipline will be uncoordinated and it will be difficult to improve the child's bad behavior.


"Super Dad" plays HOPE-20

The HOPE-20 course is a charity project developed by the Hong Kong Polytechnic University and the University of Hong Kong in 2013. It is designed for parents with children aged 2 to 3 years old and teaches parents methods and techniques to discipline their children. After completing the course, Kay became one of the instructors.

However, he did not "open a class to teach students". "As a media person, if I use another form to express this kind of thing, perhaps more people will know and benefit from it." Thus, the birth of "Super Dad" was achieved.

"Super Dad" uses a real-life approach to record and present the behavioral problems of children that modern parents often encounter. It films helpless paretns and, with the help of Kay, discipline their children without beating or scolding.

"Many people left messages saying 'It works' and 'It's great'. They all sounded very positive. They are very grateful to you. 'It turned out to be simple. I didn't tell him (the child) very clearly on what to do, and he didn't do it. as I said it then nothing happened."

What are the benefits of playing swings and slides?

Diligence is rewarded, but play is useless? In fact, there are many benefits to taking children to the park or playground! Kay pointed out that "playing" can help children's sensory integration and muscle development, and even sensory stimulation. "It's like playing on the swing or sliding down a slide. It has a very positive effect on the things around them, their reactions to space, and their development." If parents are willing to participate, it can help build intimacy.

Moreover, children can come into contact with other children in the park, which allows them to interact and communicate, which will gradually develop some rules and order, and they may even learn how to deal with conflicts through collisions.

The child is more important than anything else? It is more important for couples to love each other!

Kay's family of three get along harmoniously, and the secret is "husband and wife must love each other." Kay believes that only love between husband and wife can set an example for their children and make them feel that the family is stable and safe. Children are by no means the center of the family. "Don't just focus on your child as soon as he or she is born and then ignore your spouse, because the child will grow up and leave you, and in the end, only you and your partner will be left, and you will have to continue walking down the road."


Discipline Strategies

Early Protocol: Communicate with your child in advance about the positive behaviors you expect your child to exhibit

 

Cooling Zone: When your child is emotionally out of control, send them to a corner to calm them down

 

Isolation: When children have inappropriate behavior that becomes more serious, they will be isolated

 

End the activity: End the activity or game that the child is currently playing, or leave the area of ​​the activity.

 

Take away enjoyment: Take away things that children should have every day, such as dessert after meals and play time

 

Intentional Neglect: Dealing with Children's Mischief and Nuisance Behavior

 

Self-repair: The child pays the price for their own inappropriate behavior

 

 

Pokemon Profile

Name：何清義（清義哥）

 

Attribute: Impatient

Skill: Takes the trouble to be so chur

Special move: "I want this, I want this" loop 100 times

Kay's ultimate way to deal with it: Deliberate neglect ── "I can endure your crying. it does not matter to me. Anyways whatever I do, I will not give it to you"



 

 

Interviewed and written by:：梁劍紅、莫雅瑜

Editor：梁劍紅、王煜棋

Photography：Cory Cheung

Video Production：Lifewire、Sam Chan、Cory Cheung